Monday, January 3, 2011

Possibly the true catalyst to JD and I adopting...

I've wrestled over this post a great deal. I've decided I should write it and then decided that I shouldn't. In my mind, I've written lines in it and then erased the whole idea altogether. Clearly, I've decided to share. For a couple of reasons.

1. Because sometimes we need to be transparent.

2. Because sometimes we have to step out and speak up even if it might be questioned by or thought of as weird by others.

3. Because sometimes I just feel very convicted that God wants me to share.

In this case I haven't shared because of this:

Matthew 6:16-18 (NIV) says:

“When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 17 But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18 so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."

In other words, I've always been taught that this verse is saying that we're not to talk about the fact that we're fasting. We're not to draw attention to ourselves ('put oil on your head and wash your face' is the equivalent today to us showering and looking well-kept). We're to keep it between us and God (a secret between us and a God who is unseen, so no one will know but us and Him). I think there's huge value in this. It cuts down on the glory we sometimes seek for ourselves. The times when we do things 'Christianly' and hope others will notice.

But what about the times when we do things that, yes, are 'Christianly' but are truly of a heart led by the Holy Spirit? What then?

Several years ago, I was walking out of church one Sunday and bumped into a young mom like myself (I was a young mom back then!). I knew her a little and knew that she and her husband were considering making a cross-country move back to their home state to be closer to family. When I asked how they were doing with everything, she answered non-chalantly that she and her husband had been fasting over the decision. Inwardly, I cringed thinking, 'She told me! You don't talk about the fact that you're fasting!' But then I quickly thought, 'They are fasting? They, a young couple, are sacrificing their wills before the Lord to follow His will? That's awesome.'

I was inspired by her non-chalant comment.

I was encouraged.

I was moved to remember this 60-second conversation some seven years later!

My point is that sometimes we can apply scripture so literally that we don't even allow the Lord to use us as living sacrifices and therefore allow Him to possibly speak to others through us. So that brings me to the reason for this post.

Last December (2009), I saw a brief blurb on TV about a corporate fast starting in January 2010. I was intrigued. I remembered the person's name and looked him up on the web. I was intrigued even more. I mentioned it to JD and he too was intrigued. We decided to give it a try.

It was powerful.

I have never embarked into a year ahead with more enthusiasm and assuredness that God was going to do a mighty work in our lives during that coming year.

I had a little something brewing that I was convinced God was going to burst wide open in 2010.

I felt that maybe God was going to move JD professionally.

I truly felt like the sky was the limit. In fact, I chose the background of this blog (a wide open road to blue skies and green pastures) because right when I saw this image it conjured up what I always envision when I think of my future with God and the bright tomorrow that He offers me.

Never did I think in my wildest dreams that God was going to direct our lives to adoption. It truly wasn't on the radar. Our boys just started preschool this fall! If you think I was looking for ways to tie myself down or commit myself to more, I would've told you you were cra-zy. I was counting the days to have three mornings each week to just little ole me (for the first time in eight years!). Increasing our family size, therefore increasing my responsibilities as a mother, was truly probably at the bottom of my list of goals. If it even made the list!

I joked with God from the very beginning of 2010 that I just knew that whatever it was that He was going to reveal would be in 2010's 11th hour. You see, I have an issue with patience. So I felt certain that He was assuring me that something big was going to happen, but I was going to have to wait, wait, wait. To me, November 2010 just stuck out in my mind.

What was it? Our 'D-Day'? October 15th. God is a good God. He spared me a couple of weeks of waiting. :)

But really, I mean could He have given us a direction anymore likely to test my patience than adoption? Wow. I mean, this is a true test in patience. Everything takes twice as long as you intend it to take. And we're only in the initial stages.

I think another reason why God's been nudging me to write this post this very day, is that this fast is just around the corner. Monday, January 9th. JD and I are pumped. We can't find a reason in the world not to participate every single year that God has us on this planet. The clarity, the joy, the closeness, the peace, the assuredness. Who doesn't want that?

You have six days to talk to God about it. Check out the website. See if this is something He might be leading you towards. I promise, you won't regret if you decide to trust Him to carry You through it.

I'm curious if God invites any of you to bite. Let me know, will you?

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